Get to know: Alone vs. Lonely

Being alone is part of solitude while lonely is the situation where you crave for connection

Had Unji
4 min readOct 17, 2022
Aloners (2021) Dir. Hong Sung-eun

“I love to be alone, but I don’t want to be lonely.” — You must be familiar with this phrase. A phrase to justify your absence from any social gathering or circle that doesn't fit you. Being alone is giving yourself time to do your things alone or enjoy your time with no one bothering you. It is completely different from being lonely.

Being alone means you spare your time to do your own things and you do them at your own will. You reject a party invitation, meet-up, or any meeting to enjoy your time alone. You do it to get solitude.

Someone who enjoys their time alone continues to nurture positive social relationships that they can return to when they want and need connection. You still spend your time with others, but you maintain the balance with some me-time.

By sparing time for yourself, you can understand yourself. You know what you like and what you want, developing your passion, hobby and dream. Moreover, you could see and be grateful for what you’ve been through so far.

Meaning of being lonely

On the other hand, being lonely is a state of conditions where you don’t have “anyone” to catch up with. Loneliness does not only belong to those who don’t have friends or introverted person. Some of you who feel lonely is also someone who is outgoing and a social-butterfly person.

It can happen to anyone who feels they don’t belong anywhere. People who are lonely feel empty and unwanted. They frequently desire and require human contact, but their mental state makes it more difficult to connect with others.

Loneliness can be caused by a variety of factors, including rejection, abandonment, or separation. Internal factors such as low self-esteem can also contribute to loneliness. People who lack confidence in themselves frequently believe that they are unworthy of other people’s attention or regard, which can lead to isolation.

Come-and-go loop which can’t be avoided

We meet people and have a relationship with them. Then, there is a time when we should say “goodbye” and they leave us alone. Maybe we will meet other people again and get into them, but, again, they will leave us. The circle goes round and round, again and again. This loop makes us feel lonely.

However, you are not completely alone. There will be someone who you can reach out to when you want to connect. There is a chance for you to put aside the loneliness. The thing is on you. Would you give a chance to people coming in or be open to any single thing that you wouldn’t expect?

The art of life is a surprise.

My take on alone and lonely

This writing actually came after I rewatched Aloners. This film embraces my perspective on being alone, lonely, and socializing with people. The film talks about how lonely we are as humans. We eat, watch films or series, smoke, and die alone.

However, humans are known as social beings. We are seeking a company, or at least someone we need to talk with. Loneliness here is depicted as a comfort zone. We pretend to enjoy loneliness and then we live with loneliness itself.

Someone comes along and breaks this “comfort.” We will push ’em away in order to keep the comfort. But, what could you get from loneliness? I know you just pretend and are thirsty for others’ presence.

No, I won’t judge anyone who enjoys their time alone. I love it also. What needs to be noted is just to talk to someone. Sometimes, your own mind is your biggest threat and it needs to be taken out of your head.

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Had Unji
Had Unji

Written by Had Unji

Portraying everything that comes in my mind in a form of words. Follow me on Instagram: @jjjjjjhndjj

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